Winning Cooperation

Why do so many couples and people argue and quarrel? Often unintentionally, most people argue to flex their egos and to demonstrate their own importance or superiority. What does their blatant disagreement win them? Very little if any! It gets them the reputation of being disagreeable. Unfortunately, this has never been proven as a dependable way of winning friends and influencing people.

One of the most critical factors in personal influence psychology is to find as many ways as you can to be agreeable. And the best way to be agreeable is to agree. I am not in any way suggesting that you have to get through life without ever being disagreeable, but rather to point out that it is not required of you to express verbal judgment on all statements made by others. As a matter of fact most quarrels and disagreement, in many instances, center on very petty and trivial matters. You are not under any obligation to mete out your judgment or opinion on everything.

You can engage in a discussion without any definite disagreement by simply being a silent but interested participant. It is better to be quiet than to be vocally disagreeable. Of course, there are those rare instances when you must take an adverse position and state your disagreement but, always make a habit of delaying as courtesy would permit. If you must really express an adverse opinion, then you must do so not as an argument or disagreement but as a thoughtful statement.

There are a couple of ways through which you can accomplish this one of which is what we call ‘The Other Persons Method’. Here is how it works-do not make an open statement that you disagree. Instead, express your disagreement by suggesting the following: “Some people might disagree by saying …. (Put your disagreement into the words of ‘some people’). When you disagree in this manner, your disagreement is never expressed out-rightly, but it is attributed to what ‘perhaps, some people would say’. Remember, when you disagree with another person, you deflate his or her precious ego.

Everyone has a compelling subconscious need to be right-because to be wrong hurts their precious ego. To be correct provides a pleasant glow of self-satisfaction and it strengthens the feeling of self-importance. By disagreeing, you challenge and even undermine another’s feeling of being right, of being correct, of self-satisfaction, of self-confidence, of self-importance and you trigger a subconscious resentment.